#the line where pearl says shes never had pizza before popped up again a bit ago for me and i think pearls deserves all the pizza ever

[muri-ne]

some more lawyers n co. i drew at 3am please ignore the slow degradation in quality i was eepy

[dewmie-in]

Episodes I Watch Way Too Closely: 144 - Letters to Lars

Going from Jamie’s big episode in Love Letters, there’s a curious connection between that and the title of a big Dewey-focused episode, Letters to Lars, a few seasons later. A few SEASONS, I say as I collapse. More about this big episode and PLEASE OH PLEASE IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE READ ABOUT THE WRESTLING SCENE under my read more. And if tumblr is gross to you, read this on A03.

Lars is becoming quite the device for Bill’s character development of all things - the last episode was about Bill not even realizing Lars was missing and ultimately losing his job as mayor. Lars is even pink now - not quite Bill's shade but still - weird parallels between them! Toward the end of the episode, LARS HIMSELF makes a joke about being a storytelling device. Poor Lars! Lars outright asks why Steven sent him a *letter* – a symbol for Jamie. Even Lars is telling us this episode really isn't about him! Love Lars. Gotta get some more Lars in my life. Make a note of that.

Let me recap the episode briefly! Lars is still in space with the Off Colors doing his whole Star Trekky captain's log thing. Suddenly, a letter pops through Lars' head from Steven! Steven talks about the events going on in Beach City through his letter; we see Bill showing up as a common, depressing thread in most of Steven's anecdotes. We finally see a bit of resolution when Steven suggests that Bill start working at the Big Donut. We also see some atonement for Bill's mistake when he doesn't realize who Lars is in Dewey Wins  - naming a donut after Lars and then visiting Lars' parents.

Onto the episode rip-apart! Okay, I already mentioned the little Jamie reference with Lars having a letter pop out of his head. Then, we have an establishing shot of the ocean. Two Jamie symbols! Even before Bill shows up, Jamie is there in some way. Initially, I thought the events happened during the course of a day, but Jamie's improv class is at night – it's the only scene that we see in the episode at night, in fact! More toward that day/night or light/dark theory I have going.

More character symbols! The HAM Sign on the window of the Big Donut looks like a sun - and then Bill, similar in appearance to a walking ham, shows up a minute later.

A lot of this episode deals with how even when his self-absorption has gotten in the way, Bill genuinely wants to help people, be part of things, and ultimately make people happy. Not having that anymore has left him rudderless. Bill has never really been an uplifting kind of guy out of all the characters in the show – he's a mess, really – but this episode was easily one of his saddest. We see him becoming more and more desperate to participate throughout the episode – and becoming more and more unhinged as each attempt fails.

Uh, what is going on with sad men at their wit’s end in this show and half-untucked shirt tails? That’s twice I’ve seen it now – one for Bill and one for Jamie back when he was being a weirdo in Love Letters...

What a couple of dorks.

Interestingly, Bill and Pearl have no interaction this episode – not one line is exchanged between them in the pizza shop scene. If anything, Garnet interacts with Bill more… or at least reacts to him – with a sympathetic little ‘aw’ (I so hope Garnet helps get Bill and Jamie together please oh please) and then whacking him in the head with a tennis ball. Head injuries are always good for character development - well done, Garnet.

Bill could have had another chance to talk to Pearl during the improv scene too, but nothing happens. What is Bill doing trying to participate in the improv class in the first place, anyway? You can tell he's obviously jumped into it last minute out of desperation - no Laugh Guard sweater or anything. You’d think he’d be trying some last-ditch effort to get with Pearl, his big!crush, but no. We see one more token effort to talk to Pearl in one of the background scenes in Reunited and that's it.

Mr. Smiley and Barb are taking an improv class so... that's interesting. Jamie had been doing lots of one-man shows at this point, and he has had trouble getting other people to show up to audition for stuff in the past, so I'm hoping he didn't have to beg people to take this class. It's also the first class we hear of him teaching (but not the first session of the class) so I'm wondering if the community theater might need to start making money. I promised my friends and family I would not write a volume of speculation on the Beach City Arts and Culture operational budget, so I'm going to move on.

To touch on the lack of Bill/Pearl interaction this episode one more time - Pearl actually interacts more with Jamie as a heckler, even prompting a 'Pearl, be nice!’ from Steven. I don’t think she was doing anything maliciously, but the fact that she initially made Jamie look incompetent stuck in my mind a bit. Between Pearl and Peridot? He gets ripped apart in this scene, and ends up pretty annoyed by the time Bill enters. The whole thing is just cringey and wonderful.

Jamie also seems kind of… weirdly full of himself here! He tries to teach improv but honestly he's not doing all that well. I’m wondering if this is going to be a running theme. I so want the next Jamie episode to be a 'crisis of confidence' thing – either a bout of impostor syndrome or people questioning his competence in some way or UGH. There is kind of a disparity so far between Bill's and Jamie's development as characters, so I hope he gets an episode soon.

That last bit with Peedee and his price-gouging tater tots is when everything is thrown out into the open about much being mayor meant to Bill. Notice none of it is actually feeling like he accomplished anything as a leader – it was the routine of it all, really:

 “You know what I miss the most about being the mayor? The little things – getting dressed and ready for work, walking down the boardwalk seeing everyone’s smiling faces – yes! Knowing I had a place in this town. I used to look forward to it every day – just like the people of this town used to look forward to their morning donut.”

And today in More Lines With Subtext That Probably Isn’t There:

“I guess these days no one gets what they want.”

And then yay! Found some meaning NEW DONUT BOY!

Bill and Barb’s flirting is admittedly super cute to me. If I’m wrong about LITERALLY EVERYTHING I have been theorizing and predicting and hyperfixating on these past few months; if they just decide to make the dance in Reunited a joke like most of the fandom thinks it is; if they just make Bill straight and keep Jamie alone forever? I hope they end up doing something with Bill and Barb. Perhaps Bill would be able to get her to relax her parenting style a bit more - and in turn, Barb could make Bill more attentive as a parent! It also makes you wonder where Sadie would fit in to all that because she does not seem to like Bill at all. BUT ENOUGH, steering readily back into bisexual-disasters-bill-and-jamie territory…

I think this bit actually speaks to two things - one thing about how Bill has now changed as a character and something that started as a tiny prediction but is now a HUGE one:

Okay first, it shows us that Bill is available now! I ramble a bit in my post about Dewey Wins where Bill thought it would be inappropriate to do a ton of flirting as mayor - maybe Bill feels he can play the field a bit now? Even in his interactions with Pearl, he never actually went so far as to ask her out on a date or make a 'move’ so to speak. Okay, so he referred to her as 'the hot one', but he never said that to her face. He whenever he tried talking to her, he tended to cycle between ridiculousness and disappointment, really. So yeah, Bill can be 'in the game' again.

Now for the prediction I have, based on the speech scene at the end of Dewey Wins and the scene in the donut shop towards the end of this episode:

Jamie’s standing off by himself, staring at the soda machine in thought. Smiley is the first to get donuts and then walks off screen in Jamie's direction. Then, Barb and Bill flirt.

Jamie and Smiley are also standing together during the debate in Dewey Wins - there are a couple weird things where Smiley disappears from the background during this - I can't tell if it's just an inconsistency in the animation, or they did it to make the figures in the foreground more easily visible. When Smiley *is* there, it looks like him and Jamie might even be talking to each other a bit during the speeches. I swear the angle of Jamie's arm in one part makes it look like Jamie has grabbed Smiley's hand for support as Bill's speech starts. Hey, this is me talking, though - I grew up on '90s science fiction where it was all 256-color screen captures and I read way too much romantic subtext into shots framed to deal with tiny aspect ratios on old TVs – ANYWAY!

I'm predicting that there might be one, final red herring!romance for Bill and Jamie each. For Bill, it’s going to be Barb - for Jamie, it’s going to be Mr. Smiley. Mr. Smiley has been in enough background scenes lately with Jamie for me to wonder if Jamie might start dating Mr. Smiley first - and Bill is going to learn of it and date Barb as a reaction.

My biggest piece of evidence for this is that seemingly RANDOM BREAK into wrestling stuff in the middle of the episode! Some of these may overlap with other ships or plot points in the show of course, but I'm for now I'm reading this as foreshadowing in my Bill/Barb/Jamie/Smiley love quadrangle theory:

"The Marmalade Boys fought each other in – you guessed it – marmalade!"

This will either be a messy relationship (Jamie and Smiley?) or... fighting in mar... hmm.. mal... mail? MAIL? DUELING POSTAL WORKERS? Are Barb and Jamie going to fight over Bill?

"Concrete Heat faced off against the Wolf of Wall Street inside a steel cage!"

Steven says this in voice over, but this isn't a “face-off” really - we see Concrete Heat (Heat? Firey warmth stuff? Bill is that you?) climbing up the steel cage to get away from a dude in a wolf suit. This might be Bill and Mr. Smiley fighting over Jamie, but I think it's more likely that Barb will either pursue Bill, or Bill will feel trapped by her.

"And the Good Looking Gang finally lost the tag-team title to The Sea Wasp and Shark-o-Mania!"

That has only one interpretation to me. Two guys with their arms around each other, one in blue and the other in red. Is my ship just sailing in foreshadowy form or what?! Does objective reality really exist? Oh, also - one of Jamie's character symbols is mentioned here – the sea!

You might be thinking, “What about Bill and Jamie's dance in Reunited! Jamie could have been dancing with Smiley if are a thing” - but I don't think they're a thing yet – and that scene was to plant a more obvious seed with the viewer that there's some sort of thing between Bill and Jamie - something buried deep they will only let out between the Red Solo Cups of Dubious Contents and being mutually upset about things. Their running away from the wedding screams (and I’m so happy I don’t have to keep this to a G rating because it’s tumblr and not A03) them having a one-night stand! Or at least intending to before the attack happened. I'm guessing giant aliens landing on the beach would kill the mood... unless you're Greg. I have no idea if Bill and Jamie's evening together will be referenced later on as something that causes tension or awkwardness between them. I could see Bill maybe even ghosting Jamie for a bit as a result. Maybe this awkwardness is what pushes them into the other relationships?

At the moment in the storyline, I suspect Mr. Smiley just fills the gay friend trope for Jamie – helps Jamie through a rough time after all the trauma of the Aquamarine episodes. In this case, Bill might misinterpret their friendship as something else and I'm just losing a hemisphere of my brain at that.

So to summarize: there's gonna be a big thing with Bill, Jamie, Barb and Mr. Smiley, and Bill/Jamie will ultimately be the result. I'd say I'm taking bets but that's illegal, so I'm just going to look really smug if it's true.

To wrap up, most of Bill's story arc feels like it’s tilting toward stuff to get him out of being so self-absorbed. Which is going to be a process! The bit at the end where Steven has him name a donut after Lars and then bring some over to his parents is a good start. I hope the whole abduction thing is brought up specifically with Jamie and Bill together as part of that growth, but I feel that's kind of optimistic. I get the feeling something new is going to happen that might make Bill a bit more selfless.

SO! Sweet jelly baby jesus this is so much fun! This gets me caught up of all the episodes that have currently aired. I'm going to start watching the series from the beginning now and writing a post on episodes where Bill/Jamie might be hinted at, where they have minor roles where something might speak to their character development, OR just random theories. Either way, there will probably be at least one more chapter to this meta in the coming days or weeks, so expect another update soon!

[thatbluegibson]

CH 47

The show seemed to drag on with each joke worse than the last and painfully awkward winners speeches. By the time Liz and Josie had finished their champagne, the intensely sought after awards were about to begin. Josie whispered in Liz’s ear and bounced a little in her seat.

“What’s wrong?” Johnny asked, eyeing Liz’s friend.

“Josie has to pee and I’m starving,” she clenched her teeth and forced a smile as he laughed.

“Okay, hang on,” he laughed and shook his head while the host finished a segment.

Liz lazily clapped as the host finished speaking and the theater was queued for a commercial break when Johnny suddenly pulled her to her feet. She followed him into the aisle, making sure Josie was behind them as he held her hand tightly the entire way up the carpeted ramp. Several people turned to stare at them and Liz noticed a camera man swing around to get a shot of them just as the usher opened the door to the lobby. 

“Whoa,” Liz breathed, the bright lights of the lobby causing her to blink.

Johnny watched her a moment as she swayed on her heels. “What did you eat today?”

“I had a coffee at six and then like four Altoids when I was getting my hair done. Plus that champagne…”

“You have five minutes,” Johnny warned as Liz shook her hand free from his.

“Yeah, okay,” she whispered, rushing after Josie down a hallway.

Once inside the ladies room, Liz leaned against a plush settee and pulled her phone from her clutch. She sighed when her text notifications were empty, then realized she never wrote Dave back. She squinted at the phone’s screen as she tapped out her text.

 “Oh shit, Josie,” she giggled and hit send. “I think I’m a little drunk.”

Josie laughed loudly from a stall, “Girl, me too! Do you think they have food here?”

A few moments later, they were sneaking down a back hallway, trying to avoid running into Johnny who was waiting for them by the door to the ladies room. Josie held Liz’s train as they slid along the wall and into the main lobby which was now mostly empty.

“That guy has pizza!” Josie cried and they both broke into a dead run after him.

*

“Two minutes,” a stage hand warned.

“Maybe I shouldn’t be so excited to play during the dead people video, but I totally am,” Taylor laughed and bumped his shoulder into Dave’s. They stood just off stage, gripping their acoustic guitars and waiting for their cue to sit on the black wooden stools at center stage.

“I’m warning you, T. Once everyone sees that you can handle a guitar, someone is going to try and poach you from me,” Dave pointed in his best friend’s face.

“Oh shit! Maybe Rush will change their minds and ask me to be their lead!”

Dave felt his phone buzz just as they were called onto the stage. He knew they had precious few seconds before the host introduced them and he pulled his phone out of his tux pocket just enough to read the notification bar. All he read was ‘I miss you’ before the lights went up and he shoved the phone back, trying not to smiled as he turned to Taylor to begin the song.

*

Liz and Josie laughed and held giant slices of pizza as they walked back up the hallway to an annoyed Johnny.

“I got you some!” Liz called when he saw them, his face only slightly less pissed off now.

“I’m so glad you’re taking tonight seriously,” he muttered.

“Oh come on,” Liz whined, “We’re not missing anything! A commercial break and some painful stage banter. Big deal.”

They walked out into the lobby and Johnny glanced up at the monitors before taking Liz’s hand again. “You’re absolutely right, Lizzy. We’re fine here until the next break.”

*

Dave closed his eyes as he sang into the microphone, feeling much better about agreeing to do this a second time since Taylor was with him. They had decided on Wild Horses months ago, but he couldn’t help but think of Liz’s version as he worked through the lyrics. They followed the original mournful and melancholy tone that Jagger and Richards had written, only prolonging a few bars to match the In Memoriam slideshow that was broadcast behind them on a massive screen. As soon as they finished and the stage lights dimmed Dave scanned the first few rows for Liz, but couldn’t spot her in the crowd.

“That was good!” Taylor sighed once they were safely backstage again.

Dave stepped aside as the next presenter rudely rushed by them, “Yeah…”

“I’m gonna go find Ally,” Taylor called, heading back towards the green room, “You coming?”

Dave nodded, but didn’t move to follow.

*

Liz, Josie and Johnny made it back to their seats just as the lights dimmed to resume the show. Liz was feeling much less dizzy after finally eating, but her nerves began to creep up on her the closer the show came to the Best Actress category.

“Maybe pizza wasn’t the best idea,” Liz whispered to Josie, thinking she would probably puke if she were called to the stage.

“Pizza was the only idea, Liz,” Josie whispered back, “You would have slurred your entire acceptance speech.”

“Oh my god,” an idea suddenly popped into Liz’s head, “What if I just don’t accept? Can I do that?”

Josie burst out laughing, earning a glare from an actress in front of them, “You’ll need a good reason.”

“There’s starving people all over the planet and the amount of wealth in this one room alone is grotesque?”

“That’s perfect. Use that,” Josie shook her head, “You’ll be fine, Liz. Act your way through it.”

“I-,” Liz was interrupted by the host announcing the best actor winner from the year prior and felt Johnny’s hand on her knee.

“Ready?” he asked, leaning close to her when the camera man reappeared in the aisle.

Liz didn’t respond, just discreetly shoved his hand off her thigh and plastered on a smile. Act your way through it, she thought, Act your ass off. The actor on stage stumbled painfully through his lines and Liz felt her nerves crash into her chest. If he couldn’t make it through the lines that were literally being broadcast in front of his face, how was she going to get through a speech? A speech that she hadn’t even bothered to write? The screen behind him illuminated with clips from the best actress’s films with Liz’s being second to last. Once she saw herself on screen in the blue calico costume with itchy lace collar and pearl choker, her ears began to loudly ring. Well… shit, she thought, feeling herself laugh a little, this is convenient. She leaned into Josie as the ringing suddenly subsided and felt her clutch vibrate against her leg. Pulling her phone out from the purse, Josie elbowed her hard.

“Liz!” Josie whispered, “Not now!”

“But-,” Liz looked up in surprise when Josie squealed and everyone around her sprang to their feet. She slowly stood with them and clapped, craning her neck over their heads to see who was approaching to stage.

“Lizzy,” Johnny gently took her arm and pulled her to his chest making sure the camera next to them was angled perfectly to capture the kiss he planted on her cheek, “Congratulations.”

She felt her heart in her throat when she realized everyone was applauding and staring at her. She stepped out of Johnny’s arms so quickly that her hip bounced off the seat next to her and she stiffly walked up the aisle towards the stage. Pausing for a moment to consider the best way up the stairs without falling, she felt an arm at her elbow and looked up at the man who had played John Adams alongside her.

“Breathe, Liz,” he laughed and helped her up the steps before retreating back to his seat and beaming wife.

She greeted the presenting actor as a surprisingly heavy award and torn envelope were shoved into her hands. Then she was suddenly alone in front of a microphone, staring out into a silent and packed theater. It felt a little like a nightmare, the kind where one shows up to their high school science class in nothing but their underwear, but this was palpable, this was real. She dropped her eyes to the envelope to gather her wits and spied the Uno wild card tucked into the red card stock.

*

“Oh my god Liz, say something,” Taylor urged, staring wide eyed at the monitor in the green room. The moment he finished, Liz began to speak and Dave let out a relieved sigh.

They watched her deliver her speech which despite her rough start was eloquent, intelligent and funny. She thanked her parents, some friends, and a short list of people that Dave didn’t recognize, told her boys she loved them and she’d see them tomorrow, then stepped back a bit before remembering her dress had a train and turned quickly to the side to avoid falling.

“That was close,” Ally whispered under her breath.

Dave stepped away from the monitor and turned to them, “I’ll be right back,” he said and hurried out of the green room.

[juangallojongaro]

Best of 2018

Anna Birch – “Belle Isle” What starts as a slide-guitar-country-crooner transitions into a rockabilly bridge before settling back into sentiment. A heartbreakingly earnest and beautiful love song about moving to a new place and meeting a new person. I saw Birch open for Speedy Ortiz last summer, watched a young couple slow dance to the song, and started crying a little bit. After Birch sang the closing lyric, beginning with “we danced to that song/twice in a row,” she was exhorted by Speedy Ortiz lead singer Sadie Dupuis to play the song again. She didn’t; I wish she had.

Big Red Machine – “Melt” I was introduced to this song because it was the theme song to a podcast about the disastrous 1996 U.S. Men’s National Soccer Team (find that excellent pod here), and found the chanting rising “when you are who you are” sort of mesmerizing. The lyrics are obtuse (much like the entire project, a collab between Justin Vernon and one of the Dressners from the National where they dress like Mad Max Kanye [which, what the fuck]). It is a good time to hear Vernon scream “YOU KNOW IT’S A STRUGGLE, IT’S A KIND OF DEBACLE” like he’s Jim Ross calling a particularly exciting Attitude Era WWE match. A slobberknocker!

boygenius – “Me & My Dog” Politically, 2018 will go down as the Year of Woman as female candidates ran and won in historic numbers in the midterms. In a less historic achievement, it was the Year of the Woman in my best of list, where female fronted or involved projects carried 12 of 18 spots. 2018 was the year when the majority of the best rock records were made by women, and few put out better albums that the three headed monster supergroup, boygenius. “Me & My Dog” is the best track on their superlative self-titled LP. The first third starts with simple orchestration and Phoebe Bridgers’ voice followed by Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker swooning swelling harmonies until the song kicks into another gear in the middle before crescendoing higher and higher until the punchline and plaintive lyric “I wanna be emaciated.” The album version is great, but the live versions best capture the catharsis. boygenius is my favorite new band of the year.

Damien Jurado – “Percy Faith” Shouts to my dude Kit who made sure that I checked out this album, the first I’ve listened to from Mr. Jurado’s enormous discography. While I find the sheer size of that discography pretty intimidating, this song is approachable—a time traveling track about big band leaders, hostage situations, and being on your phone too much. Wry lyrics delivered with a straight face (see, “I am writing from Seattle/Where they now have put a trademark on the rain”) are the star of the show, but the soaring strings and noodling organ sustain multiple listens.

Father John Misty – “Date Night” It shambles, it Jaggers, it oozes confidence in both senses of the word. Ooze is correct, and I wouldn’t be shocked if FJM revealed the swirling synths were covered with cheap, greasy pomade. It’s the best song on great record that’s funny (“I’ll get you ice cream if you give me a card”) and propulsive enough to close a set. God’s Favorite Customer was a return to form after the solipsistic bloat of the second half of Pure Comedy. Here’s hoping he remains in poem zone going forward.

illuminati hotties – “(You’re Better) Than Ever” Too precious by half but catchy as hell, “(You’re Better) Than Ever” was the song that I listened to the most despite of my better judgment. It’s a straight forward rocker about an ex that’s doing better than you are. Problem is the song is delivered with a smile instead of a sneer, and the mean lyrics don’t match the sweet delivery. Still, the surf rock drums and harmonies are great. More importantly: illuminati hotties is the best new band name of the year.

Jeff Rosenstock – “Yr Throat” SEE BELOW

Lucy Dacus – “Night Shift” Without question, the SONG OF THE YEAR. One third of the boygenius titanic triumvirate, Dacus’s anthem starts in a diner with a two-timing ex and ends with a division of the city by time of day. Dacus knows that she isn’t necessarily being practical, but she’s emotionally unreasonable and raw. Quiet/loud that would leave Black Francis and Kim Deal taking notes, the last two minutes are sad and soaring, roaring and resigned.

Mitski – “Nobody” Mitski made the leap this year, basically the music business version of 2018 Brewers slugger Christian Yelich. Like Yelich, Mitski had flashed elite tools in prior years but never quite put it all together (somehow this is Mitski’s first official appearance on my list; honorable mention only in 2015). In 2018, things changed with the New York City songstress dropping Be the Cowboy, the audio equivalent of Yelich’s monstrous .326/.402/.598 (w/ 36 dingers and 22 bags!) 2018 line. Mitski took home album the year from a number of publications and Yelich was the National League MVP. “Nobody” is the basically Yelich’s mega-game from August 29 where he went 6 for 6 and hit for the cycle, helping the Brewers pull out a one run win over the Reds. A slinking disco home run, the song showed Mitski feels both seamless and like five different songs at once. Excellent delivery, danceable and delectable. I’m seeing her in April, right around Opening Day. If you’re looking for me, I’ll be the one leading the MVP chants.

Pusha T – “If You Know You Know” The best of Kanye’s bizarre 2018 productions (the less said about Mr. West at this point, the better), Push’s irresistible ode to (what else, literally what else?) having once dealt cocaine was so good it convinced me for about three weeks that Kanye was back. Also, apparently Pusha T beefed with Drake this year; I’m okay with that.

Robyn – “Ever Again” SEE BELOW

Shannon Shaw – “Freddies ‘n’ Teddies” A brassy wall of sound missive from Shaw, a big voiced Californian who, I just discovered, fronts an outfit called “Shannon and the Clams,” who also released an album in 2018. I’m concerned I should have picked a song by “Shannon and the Clams.” Alas, we’re not starting the new year with regret. “Freddies ‘n’ Teddies” is an excellent throwback jam. It’s a pearl.

Speedy Ortiz – “Lucky 88” Had a weird experience at the Speedy Ortiz show last summer—they went on at like 10:30 PM and played, like, my six favorite Speedy Ortiz songs in a row. At that point, I’d rode my bike to the show and realized a couple things: 1) it was a work night, and 2) I really didn’t want to hear any more of the songs. So, I left! Never done that before. Anyway, goes without saying that “Lucky 88” was one those songs. It’s very good of Speedy Ortiz to keep making Rilo Kiley records because I like Rilo Kiley! Tackling subject of gross dudes with interesting percussion and evocative and tongue-twisty lyrics lyrics (See, “Try and work in this town/without a silver spoon and foot in your mouth” and “One more time with reeling” and “I was born in the cold-clotted heart of the storm”) it’s a stand out track on a good record.

St. Vincent – “Fast Slow Disco” Technically a remix of the “Slow Disco” off of 2017 Album of the Year, MASSEDUCTION, the new version improves on the original in every way. On Twitter, Annie Clark wrote that she “always felt this song could wear many different outfits and live many different lives. here she is in disco pants, sweating on a new york dance floor.” Sweat and live it does, transformed from the original prayer to a fucking Pet Shop Boys song. It’s a banger, and continued proof that Clark is one of the best pop artists working.

Swearin’ – “Grow into a Ghost” There’s some Fleetwood Mac-y shenanigans going on with this band—basically, the two lead singers were dating and then broke up but then made this record. I don’t know; it’s not my business. This song is my business. With Allison Crutchfield leading the way with an excellent read on the lyrics, this pop punk potato chip isn’t particularly substance, but it is really good, crunchy, and with the right amount of salt.

Tranyanne and Danny – “O’Keeffe” There’s a swaying simplicity, putting you in mind of the Ben Folds Five at their most daydreamy with a dash of Broadway panache. Ostensibly about titular painter, it’s a duet that’s good for a slow dance with a dip or two.

U.S. Girls – “Incidental Boogie” You like art rock? U.S. Girls love art rock! It’s a feminist statement piece about (I think, I’m ready to be really wrong here) about domestic violence, BDSM, and empowerment that puts you in mind of The Knife’s masterpiece Silent Shout and maybe The Phantom Thread. It’s all over the place and I’m too thick to figure it out.

Young Gun Silver Fox – “Lenny” This 70’s cheese rock throwback is delicious trash. Essentially, it’s “One for My Baby (And One More for the Road)” if, 1981, someone commissioned Daryl Hall and Michael McDonald to write a yacht rock musical based on Frank Sinatra songs. I’m not saying this song is frozen pizza rolls—I’m saying it’s gourmet frozen pizza rolls that are filled with the finest heirloom tomato sauce, cured salumis, and aged cheeses. It’s stupid and it’s bad for you and I will eat a million of them.  

ALBUMS OF THE YEAR: Honey by Robyn and POST- by Jeff Rosenstock.

These are two very different albums. The lyrics are in English and no one, like, throat sings, but Rosenstock’s raw, claustrophobic punk and Robyn’s luscious electropop seem antithetical. Taken together, the two help me best explain what was like for me to be alive in 2018.

Dropped on New Year’s Day, POST- begins screaming, “Dumbfounded, downtrodden and dejected/Crestfallen, grief-stricken and exhausted/Trapped in my room while the house was burnin'/To the motherfuckin' ground.” Rosenstock captures just how fucking stressful it is to be living through the Trump Administration. The grift, the humanitarian horror, the callous and smirking racism, the grinding and clobbering indecency. He captures the paralysis and that feeling that it won’t get better, he won’t go way; “it’s not like any other job I know/If you’re a piece of shit they don’t let you go.”

There were so many times this year when I was struggling with something personal—anxiety, the stresses of my job, feeling mean or irritable and it would feel worse because President Diaper-Butt said something repugnant. The political stress and the personal stress fed each other.

On “Powerlessness”, Rosenstock sings “[s]o where can you go when the troubles inside you/Make your limbs feel like they're covered in lead?/How can you solve all the problems around you/When you can't even solve the ones in your head?” I struggled with this all year and basically defaulted to paralysis. Rostenstock put words to that ennui.

Rosenstock sang about feeling bad—Robyn sang about getting better. Her record starts in a similar place of psychic pain. It’s more mundane, a break up, but Robyn blows the heartbreak out into pop hits. On “Missing U,” she’s just as vulnerable and paralyzed as Rosenstock, “[c]an't make sense of all of the pieces/Of my own delusions/Can't take all these memories/Don't know how to use them.”

Over the course of the record, Robyn gets better. In interviews, she explained that she took the time to go through a couple years of psychotherapy (this is privilege; we all can’t take years off from work to sort out our shit—I can’t, Rosenstock certainly can’t) and emerges better—fully realized and in charge of herself. The two centerpieces of the second half of the album, the titular “Honey” and the finale, “Ever Again” are physical and optimistic. She put the work in and got better.

I tried to get better in 2019, as well. It was a mixed bag—lost a bunch of weight, gained it back. Bought a house and was driven half-crazy by the process. Got a promotion, lost some hard cases. But I really improved my mental health. I worked hard on being mindful and trying to feel better. I didn’t get all the way (unlike Roybn, I don’t feel like “I’m never gonna be brokenhearted ever again”), but I feel better than I did a year ago.

There’s going to be at least more years of the political degradation. I can’t control that. But both albums end on hopeful notes, expecting that things will get better. I don’t know if they will. But the emotion and message of these albums, make them the best of 2018.